wishing it away....

Wishing it away....


This week was a tough week for me. Paul was gone all week for training and I was left for the first time since Andrew was born with two kids for a whole week. But to make the situation worse both of my kids came down with a pretty nasty cold. One that is still, 9 days later, going strong. Most days were spent dealing with a very very cranky 2 1/2 year old who didn't want to play, eat, sleep, or even watch TV. All he wanted to do was complain and throw toys, make a mess, and be disagreeable. Then to top it off Andrew being only 5 months old gets the same cold. But unlike Jacob he can't blow his nose, consciously clear his throat/cough, or tell me what is wrong.

Since just after Jacob was born in 2007 the CDC has removed all medicine for any child under the age of 4 (it used to be 2) so any sort of medicinal help for the symptoms was not happening. Tylenol was used during the first stages of the cold when Jacob had a slight fever, and of course vicks, and vaporizers have been running nonstop for the past week and a half.

I found myself wishing away the week, and honestly wishing away their childhoods. I found myself alone unable to ask for help (for fear of infecting other people), and wishing for anything that Jacob was old enough to be given medicine, and that Andrew was old enough to be able to at least blow his nose or at least talk and tell me what is wrong and to understand what is happening to him when he can't breathe!

What I wouldn't give for them to be feeling better, and for this cold to be gone and for me to be able to get more than an hour of sleep at a time during the night without having to wrangle those God forsaken nose aspirators into my babies nose or find that the 3rd box of kleenex was gone because of how often Jacob needed to blow his nose. I had finally gotten to the end of my rope when I found myself with two sleeping children and a small amount of time to myself. I decided to start reading the other blogs I follow and I ran across a post that suddenly made my life a lot less crazy and frustrating.

MckMama is a great blog if you have never read it, she is very well written and has a lot of really great posts. When I was reading this particular post I realized that she is soooo right. I have been so wrapped up in my "misery" that I wasn't looking at the bigger picture. This week wasn't about just my boys feeling bad and being frustrating. As I took a step back and thought about my week I realized that it wasn't just about the tantrums, and the lack of sleep. But during this week I also gave my boys 500+ kisses (no joke), I rocked them to sleep, I kissed boo-boos, I sssshhh'ed them as they fell asleep, and I was there with hugs and a smile every time they woke up (even if it was for the 10th time that night). I was their "one and only", they were sick and they needed me. They needed me more than I needed sleep, or time alone, or another person to help.

I was wishing away the week and years, and for what?? For maybe a two week cold? I suddenly felt so foolish and realized that although the cold would be much easier to weather if they were older, by having them old I would miss so much more, and who knows how long they will "need me". There is nothing I love more than my kids and their kisses, hugs, "I love you's" and smiles. It seems like I have already blinked and found myself with a 2 1/2 year old and a 5 month old. What I wouldn't give to be able to keep them small and innocent. When they are older they won't need my kisses on their "boo boo's" or need rocked to sleep when they are 15 or 20 years old. They will be obnoxious teenagers who "know it all" and don't need me (or think they need me) anymore.

I realized right then that I can't keep focusing on the bad parts of my week and I needed to be thankful for the moments I do have with my children. And as MckMama said I will not wish away their young years, always hoping to get more sleep, movies watched, laundry done, house cleaned. "I will relish each kiss, hug and song. I will leave their childhood behind with no regrets, no "I love you" unsaid, no cheek unkissed, no request to "Cuddle wif' me!" turned down.

I am gonna miss this.....


(thank you MckMama for such as inspiring post, I hope you don't mind that I quoted you in my post!)